Thank you, Betty
I had intended to write about something totally different before I saw the headlines that Betty Friedan died today. I feel a need to pay tribute.
I grew up seeing and hearing about the feminist (0r "women's liberation") movement, but not fully understanding its implications -- I was too young and too unaware of what was at stake. It's so ironic. The battles Betty and Gloria and Bella and all those foremothers fought seemed so theoretical at the time, as if they had no bearing on my life (or my daughters' lives -- of course, my daughters were less than a twinkle in anyone's eye at that point...my God, I could never even have imagined I would someday have sex, much less bear a child, when these women were in the public eye.) I remember people asking me, "Are you a women's libber?" And I remember responding, "I'm educated. I don't have anything to be liberated from." How naive.
But in my late twenties and into my thirties, I found plenty I needed to be liberated from in my life and in my marriages. I struggled on a day-to-day, practical basis, with questions about the limits of my autonomy, my right to my own feelings, my economic independence. The harsh reality, even after women had "won" equality (although even that's debatable since we still have no Constitutional guarantee of equal rights), is that very often, these battles are won or lost on an individual basis. And the cost can sometimes simply be too much. A woman who wants her own checking account but has to put up with physical or verbal abuse to get one has to be able to set her own priorities and boundaries.
But the fact that these battles are so personal underscores the need, I think, to continue to emphasize economic independence for women, which generally flows from having an educational basis and professional experience to fall back on. No woman should ever rely on anyone but herself when it comes down to the nitty gritty or raising children or paying the rent, because it's very possible that no one else will be there for you. Don't expect anyone to take care of you. Don't let yourself be that vulnerable, because even in this "enlightened" age, you can get trampeled. Badly. (OK, a disclaimer here: My intent is not to male-bash, but simply a cautionary note that getting an MRS degree is not a guarantee of anything.)
When I first read "The Feminine Mystique," I remember thinking that if I had read it when I was too young, I'd have dismissed so much of what Friedan wrote as irrelevant to my life, either as it was or as I assumed it would be. When I did finally read it in my late twenties, I was at a point in my first marriage when I was questioning social expectations of gender and marriage roles, and it resonated with me -- powerfully; maybe more than it should have in the late 19080s. Weren't we DONE with these issues by then?
Are we done with them now? I don't think so, especially after this week's confirmation of Samuel Alito. I fear for my daughters' rights to control their own bodies during their reproductive years -- something I took for granted during mine, thanks to Friedan and the movement she launched. Who are the leaders now who will assure that my daughters have access to contraceptives and choice? Who will be the voice who says it's OK to have a vision for your life that doesn't include husband and/or children, even if it's not what everyone else thinks a woman should want? Who will tell young women that it's good -- no, it's GREAT -- to blaze your own trail instead of following in the footsteps of previous generations?
Betty Friedan was a trailblazer. So was Simone de Beauvoir. So is Gloria Steinem, so is Gerda Lerner (read her books "The Creation of Patriarchy" and "The Creation of Feminine Consciousness"). All women need to understand our history, how we came to be where we are -- from an historical perspective, not from a "religious" or political perspective. We still get too much information that is skewed and inaccurate. Create your own women's studies course. Now. (Don't worry about what anyone else says or thinks, as I did when I was younger. "Women's studies" was codespeak for "lesbian," especially in the part of the country where I went to college.) Find your roots and then stay true to them. Be who you are meant to be -- nothing less.
I grew up seeing and hearing about the feminist (0r "women's liberation") movement, but not fully understanding its implications -- I was too young and too unaware of what was at stake. It's so ironic. The battles Betty and Gloria and Bella and all those foremothers fought seemed so theoretical at the time, as if they had no bearing on my life (or my daughters' lives -- of course, my daughters were less than a twinkle in anyone's eye at that point...my God, I could never even have imagined I would someday have sex, much less bear a child, when these women were in the public eye.) I remember people asking me, "Are you a women's libber?" And I remember responding, "I'm educated. I don't have anything to be liberated from." How naive.
But in my late twenties and into my thirties, I found plenty I needed to be liberated from in my life and in my marriages. I struggled on a day-to-day, practical basis, with questions about the limits of my autonomy, my right to my own feelings, my economic independence. The harsh reality, even after women had "won" equality (although even that's debatable since we still have no Constitutional guarantee of equal rights), is that very often, these battles are won or lost on an individual basis. And the cost can sometimes simply be too much. A woman who wants her own checking account but has to put up with physical or verbal abuse to get one has to be able to set her own priorities and boundaries.
But the fact that these battles are so personal underscores the need, I think, to continue to emphasize economic independence for women, which generally flows from having an educational basis and professional experience to fall back on. No woman should ever rely on anyone but herself when it comes down to the nitty gritty or raising children or paying the rent, because it's very possible that no one else will be there for you. Don't expect anyone to take care of you. Don't let yourself be that vulnerable, because even in this "enlightened" age, you can get trampeled. Badly. (OK, a disclaimer here: My intent is not to male-bash, but simply a cautionary note that getting an MRS degree is not a guarantee of anything.)
When I first read "The Feminine Mystique," I remember thinking that if I had read it when I was too young, I'd have dismissed so much of what Friedan wrote as irrelevant to my life, either as it was or as I assumed it would be. When I did finally read it in my late twenties, I was at a point in my first marriage when I was questioning social expectations of gender and marriage roles, and it resonated with me -- powerfully; maybe more than it should have in the late 19080s. Weren't we DONE with these issues by then?
Are we done with them now? I don't think so, especially after this week's confirmation of Samuel Alito. I fear for my daughters' rights to control their own bodies during their reproductive years -- something I took for granted during mine, thanks to Friedan and the movement she launched. Who are the leaders now who will assure that my daughters have access to contraceptives and choice? Who will be the voice who says it's OK to have a vision for your life that doesn't include husband and/or children, even if it's not what everyone else thinks a woman should want? Who will tell young women that it's good -- no, it's GREAT -- to blaze your own trail instead of following in the footsteps of previous generations?
Betty Friedan was a trailblazer. So was Simone de Beauvoir. So is Gloria Steinem, so is Gerda Lerner (read her books "The Creation of Patriarchy" and "The Creation of Feminine Consciousness"). All women need to understand our history, how we came to be where we are -- from an historical perspective, not from a "religious" or political perspective. We still get too much information that is skewed and inaccurate. Create your own women's studies course. Now. (Don't worry about what anyone else says or thinks, as I did when I was younger. "Women's studies" was codespeak for "lesbian," especially in the part of the country where I went to college.) Find your roots and then stay true to them. Be who you are meant to be -- nothing less.
posted by Mary at 6:38 PM
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